There was a time really not so long ago when the ankle biters now 4 and 5 really didn’t like sleeping. Two and a half years of 3 to 4 hours broken sleep a night on average –  we were exhausted. I write this letter looking back and telling my former sleep deprived self it’s going to be ok  , this is not forever , one day you will miss this. I wish I had a sleep tracker in those days to see how much sleep I was having. 


Dear my former sleep deprived self,

You won’t always sit on the stool next to the cot and sob because you are desperate to sleep but he wants to hold your hand , honestly it’s going to be alright

The babies waking up 10 ,15 maybe 20 times a night,  this won’t last forever. When someone says it’s  teething or it’s phase you think yeah right ok shut up! But it really is

One day you will be able to stay awake of an evening when the kids go to bed and not both fall asleep on opposite ends of the sofa waking up freezing at 11pm and crawling up to bed. Honestly soon you will be able to stay awake , watch a movie, get in to a box set , have a drink , chat and have laugh – be a couple

There will no longer be that sense of dread and anxiety that you get going to bed. As you know the minute your head hits the pillow that’s when the tag team starts. Soon you will go to bed and be able to sleep

You won’t mind winding the bobbin up and back again and again and again , you won’t sigh when asked to play cars or build blocks again

I promise you won’t snap and growl at your partner every morning just because he’s spoken to you or asked you if you want a coffee. Instead you will have a cuddle and laugh and joke

Mummy won’t always put Peppa Pig or Bing on for an hour while she drinks coffee or her eyes close for 5 mins , not that you care. Your loving life watching that self righteous pig and her brother who cries every 10 seconds

Sleeping on  a pull out bed on your two and a half year old’s floor , with him waking half hourly to check your still there will only be temporary. Soon you will spend every night in your own bed 

Sleeping on the edge of the bed in agony with backache which you would rather have if it means your youngest is happily sleeping next to you for more than a half an hour. This will pass the time will come when you will be comfy and have all the space you want 

Rocking your baby until your arm goes dead , this will be a thing of the past and yes you will miss it

You will no longer be googling “how do I get my 16month to sleep through” instead you will be googling box sets to watch when they are in bed

Date night you will actually get dressed up , put on some make up , do your hair and go out instead of falling asleep on the sofa at 9pm

One thing that remains the same is your beautiful babies , the reason you keep going on empty and giving your all every day. The consuming love you have for them 12 hours or 2 hours sleep will always be the same

Now they do actually sleep your happy but also sad as all those “phases” are done with,  they’re gone. Each day your babies grow and change , you will never get that day back

One thing I will say is embrace every moment tired or not because one day you will miss it and will be the last time you do it

It will be the last time you rock them to sleep ,rub teething gel in their gums , sing them to sleep with twinkle star

And finally why are you being so hard on yourself. You’re babies are beyond happy , out exploring every day , eating a good variety of home cooked meals, growing well , healthy and loving life …. Sleep deprived or not you are doing something right !! 

Yours faithfully,

Your more refreshed self 

3 thoughts on “A letter to my former sleep deprived self – it will be ok ”

  1. It’s so irritating to hear it’s only a phase isn’t it, even though you know it is. It just doesn’t help! That sounds hardcore. Hope you can get help from time to time so you can sneak in a nap. Take care, Kimberly (Media Mummy) x #Blogstravaganza

  2. It is a really tough time. I don’t know how anyone does it, and especially how you get up and go to work the next day.

  3. This really struck a chord with me. I’ve just got my youngest sleeping through but those sleep deprived days are so horrific. I recall the horrible anxiety you mention as we went to bed and sitting at the side of their cot crying. It so nice now that we get more time together in the evening, rather than going straight to bed! You are so right, the little monkeys are happy and loved and that’s what matters! Thankyou so much for linking up to #Blogstravaganza, it would be great to see you again next week xx

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