I will never forget the first full night alone in hospital after having our first born Archie,  I was terrified. After a very traumatic birth I was exhausted and in agony with a baby who would not feed. I had no clue what to do with this precious little gem. Just changing a nappy was a minefield and don’t get me started on doing up a babygro. 
James had been with us since Archie was born in the early hours the day before just popping home for a few hours after the birth. It was the first full night, but now it was time for daddy to go.

 

We had finally got Archie to take a bottle after breastfeeding had been unsuccessful. James was feeding him and he was actually taking it. I think the stress of the birth and not being able to breastfeed had made me so anxious and teary which Archie could definitely sense. He was so content in James’s arms and finally guzzling a bottle. 
Dad’s visiting hours had come to a close and a midwife had come over and told us it was time for James to go. 

We asked her for ten more minute’s whilst Archie finished his bottle and she agreed. Two minutes later another midwife came over and literally hollered at James “visiting is over now , you need to leave” so James had to hand Archie to me and say goodbye mid feed. I remember sobbing and asking the midwife to let James stay a little longer but it was a firm NO.

Why ? Why is it so forbidden and un natural that the other parent would want to stay and spend the first night with their child? After all they love them just as much , are just as excited.

How amazing would it be to have dad there and to embrace this total learning curve together. Mummy could actually rest and close her eyes for ten minute’s.

The way that dad’s are treated in the hospital is so different to way the mum is .Mum is offered tea and toast etc but dad has to go trudging around to find a coffee machine or cafe. It both baffles and angers me the way they are treated in comparison. It’s like they are strange alien creatures with no right to be there. They are made to feel so awkward. In my opinion it’s just so wrong and un natural that they are made to feel so isolated.

Others may have a different opinion and could not think of anything worse than the dad staying. To me it is the most natural thing in the world , I think you should be able to decide and not have that decision made for you. Granted we have come a long way with child birth to the days when dads were not even allowed to be present at the birth and women stayed in hospital for two weeks after birth to sleep and recover.

6 thoughts on “Daddy also wants to spend the first night with their precious newborn and why not ?  ”

  1. I think dad’s should be able to stay at night to. I cried the first night on my own coz I was worried I wouldn’t hear her crying or struggle to get to her coz of the section and being restricted to movement and then I hardly slept at all. Think I had three hours sleep lol xx

  2. After a 17 hour labour and being so exhausted I was having flash backs of the birth and kept thinking I had to push again, I was dreading the first night! He wouldn’t settle every time I put him down he cried again and all I wanted to do was sleep. I was in a private room and therefore my husband being there would not have been disturbing any other patients, and it’s not like your going to get up to anything kinky when you have just had a baby! I understand they can’t afford food etc for dad too but I agree it would seem wise to let them stay. My husband did however go home and have a great nights sleep (lucky him!) and was back fresh eyed and bushy tailed to help me in the morning.

  3. I was lucky, after a 36 hour labour and traumatic delivery I was put in a private room, baby had to be monitored for 5 days. I know my hubby shouldn’t have stayed, but I think personally knowing one the the midwives, and the whole point of the private room was to help prevent postnatal psychosis, therefore I think they just let him stay! Some of the midwives and mca’s made it clear they didn’t like it though. I think it’s ridiculous they don’t let partners stay. They bang on about having support at home, especially after a traumatic delivery, but don’t let you have support in the hospital!!! One of the hospitals I used to work in had a small birthing centre with only 4 rooms, but they all had double beds so dad could stay. Sadly that centre got closed. I think they should all be like that!

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