Over the last few months I have been in a rut and not really motivated or goal setting. To be honest I think this started when Archie started school , I felt lost and like it was the end of an era. Yes of course I still have Frankie to keep me busy but her hours in nursery were also increased in readiness for big school in September. I was so used to it being us three , even when they started nursery we still had the afternoons to things and have fun.
I feel like I have really lost myself over the last few months , I just haven’t felt like me and my anxiety has been sky high and I really couldn’t put my finger on why. I was poorly last week and spent a lot of time asleep or just laid up chilling and getting better. As horrible as it was being ill it has given me so much time to think and I’ve also caught up on a lot of sleep.
I had been suffering with insomnia for months , never being able to sleep the night through or go to bed early as I knew this would lead to me waking up at 2 am either tossing and turning or going downstairs and watching TV. So instead I would stay up late and stay downstairs watching TV when everyone else was sleeping. This would then lead to my caffeine intake sky rocketing and putting me in to a vicious cycle of sleeplessness.
Last week I started going to bed earlier and also leaving my phone in a different room in the house and having a bit of a social media detox , I have also completely cut out caffeine. It’s only been a week and it’s done me the world of good. I honestly believe the lack of sleep and caffeine has added to my anxiety and if I’m honest made me feel incredibly down some days. I lost my identity , spark and motivation for sure.
I feel like I need to set myself goals to help motivate me and get back on track. I have to focus on my blog and blog work. For this I have set dedicated days to work and not just doing work as and when , this often leads to me working at night which also isn’t good. My work days are now going to be Wednesday and Thursdays which then gives me Monday and Friday to do something for myself or work on the renovations in the house.
I feel like I need to stay focused and disciplined over the next few weeks as I settle in to my new work routine to enable me to achieve those goals. This unfortunately means I’m going to turn in to some kind of hobbit at my desk with my laptop. I just hope friends and loved ones will understand this and not get upset or take it personally when I’m not around as much or when I have to say no actually I can’t do this / meet up. This isn’t permanent it’s just a temporary measure. It is my form of healing and achieving my goals set. I need to learn to be kinder to myself. Hopefully those close to me will accept this and be OK with it.