How to get back into the dating game

First dates are terrifying. The expectation that we place on ourselves to be the right person and do the right things and make the right jokes and look the right way – all the while trying to find the time to form our own opinions of whether the other person is right for us is … it’s a jungle. The alternative is microwave meals alone in front of the TV every evening from now until the day that you become a statistic over the reduced longevity of singletons. I have written about dating and dating expectations in the past. 

On your tombstone, there will be two dates. All that matters is what you do with the little dash between them. That thought alone should be all the inspiration you need to put yourself out there (for extra inspiration on dating, see the medium chat website). However, if you’re struggling to find the courage to get back into the dating game, here’s some inspirational tips to help guide the way.

Find a date

Finding a date in modern times is … shockingly easy. The online dating game is thriving, with people checking into their dating apps multiple times per day to view their recent matches. If you’re unfamiliar, start with one of the more popular sites. You don’t even need much of a biography. Just a name, a location, and a few pictures. Sweetening the honeypot with a one-line bio that will give someone a reason to begin a conversation with you won’t hurt. For example, “Trying this for the first time, just looking for somebody who knows about interior design really – willing to swap dating and intellectual conversation for advice on how to decorate my front room!” – of course, in the event that this goes well, you may actually have to redecorate your lounge (but that’s a small price to pay for a lifetime of happiness and fighting over the bed covers). 

Best foot forward

There’s no bigger turn-off than a pushy ‘take me as I am’ attitude. You must approach a dating situation with an open mind. Keep the topics of conversation to fun things like travel and entertainment. Compliment their outfit. Ask about their dating disasters and share a laugh. But whatever you do, keep the conversation about your ex relationships to an absolute zero. Nobody likes to feel like they are being compared to somebody else, or like they are being interviewed to fill somebody else’s shoes. Plus you shouldn’t be dating if you haven’t gotten over your ex, check out this article on forgetting the ex.

Play into social norms

One of you is supposed to pick up the bill – always offer to be that person. Insist, in fact. Because you can always follow it up with “it’s OK, you can get the next one”, which is great way to signal that you are generous and that you have enjoyed the other person’s company and that you’d like to see them again – they can leave and never return your calls, of course, but you haven’t lost much. What’s more likely, is that your kind gesture and your signal that you’d like to see them again is going to help sway their opinion of you, helping you to secure that second date.

*Collaborative post

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