Motherhood changes us , you know it’s going to happen. But do you really know the full extent ? I’ll be honest I was so naive and really didn’t know it would change me this much. I’m still me  , in some ways I’m a new improved me and in some I’m a shadow of my former self. Throughout this new transformation one person still truly adores me for who I am now. James 

I don’t have time to spend on myself anymore. To straighten and style my hair , to put on some make up , to be perfectly preened. Instead I’m now the mum buns biggest fan. You still tell me I look beautiful.

I don’t buy new clothes every week and I’m not in line with what glamour and cosmo are telling me. They used to be my bible’s , now babycentre and net mum’s are. My clothes are not perfectly matched and accessorised like they used to be. Instead I  rock my jeans and sweat tops , usually with paint or felt tip and a bit of porridge from the kids thrown in. But you still say you look nice today or that top suits you babe.

Not once did you comment when I put nearly four stone on , not once did you say have you thought of dieting ? Or should you eat that? Though sometimes I wish you did!! But your you and your always putting my feelings first. You knew it would crush and humiliate me. I knew my weight had spiraled out of control and I was so ashamed.Cake and junk were now my fuel to keep me going , to get me through the day. Thank you slimming world for showing me the way.

I used to have all the time in the world to chat to you , to ask you how your day had been. Instead sometimes I just want to chill and be silent after a hectic day , but you don’t push it or challenge it you just let me be. You get it.

I used to be tough and fearless now I am a much softer version of me. I get anxious , I am more emotional, I cry more. You support me , you give me a cuddle and tell me it will be ok and you reassure me when I’m feeling anxious. You say it’s going to be ok and it always is.

I used to look forward to seeing you and chatting about our days and what we had been up to. Now I can’t wait for you to get through the door just so I can go to toilet on my own , or lock myself in the kitchen and eat Nutella . Nothing is too much for you when you get in from being out since 6am you completely take over. I’m forever grateful.

I don’t look after you as well as I used to. You used to be my main priority. Your clothes are not ironed and put in to perfect piles and hung up in the wardrobe. Instead they are in piles all over the bedroom or hanging on the back of the chair. I don’t have as much energy as I used to and I  just want a glass of prossecco and to watch Rick Grimes in action when the kids are in bed as much as you want to have a beer and admire Kirsten Dunst ha ha. You don’t mention it you just sort yourself out now and get your own clothes ready without a sigh or a moan.

The love I have for you has changed in a huge way. I love you so much more now I’ve seen the father you have become and how you have embraced every second. I love you so so much , thanks so much for being you and loving me for being me.

3 thoughts on “I’m a different version of me now …. But you still adore me”

  1. This is so cute! and so true we do change and we don’t always see how much we change yet they still stick by our side what an honest post x

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