Lately I’ve been so tired and drained with the house being struck with various illness. Everything just feels so much harder when you’re not yourself. I start doubting myself as a mother and questioning everything I do. Mummy guilt seems to get you with every aspect of parenting. Sometimes it feels like your damned if you do and damned if you don’t with regards to so many things.
I feel it when I cook the little ones nuggets and waffles twice that week , I start to think I’m a bad Mum as I’m at home all day so why can’t I make them a healthy balanced meal at all times. But then I think really ? I’m busy keeping them happy and entertained all day , some days are hard I can’t even go to toilet on my own so of course I’m exhausted and going to take the easy option. This does not make me a bad Mum , instead of spending time standing in the kitchen cooking I’m sitting with Archie and doing his learning books or potty training with Frankie.
Sometimes I just wish I was free and long for some time alone or a date night with James. The minute the little ones are gone the guilt kicks in. I start thinking I’m terrible for wanting time on my own and I should treasure every moment with them. Again I then have a word with myself as I’m with them 24/7 most days and deserve a break sometimes. It’s so nice to do the things you used to do pre motherhood , read a book , have a wine and treat yourself. I think it actually makes you a better parent having a break as you come back feeling refreshed and more alert.
I also get moments where I think am I doing enough for my babies? are they happy ? I start to think I should be doing more , taking them more places. I feel that they should be out an about every day doing some form of activity. On days I do decide we are having a PJ day and we stay in I can see how much they are enjoying carpet picnics and movies and I realise I am doing enough and we don’t need to be out to have fun as they have had a fabulous time just chilling.
It’s no secret that I don’t treat myself much and I still have maternity clothes that I wear occasionally. I always have these big ideas of treating myself and having a wardrobe overhaul , then the guilt kicks in. I think I’m being selfish and should be spending money on the little ones and not myself. Lets be honest since before our little loves were born we have been spending our last penny on them. The mini converse , new dresses , the toys and the latest baby trends you name it they have it. They have enough ! We need to treat ourselves now , I’m going to take my own advice and go for a whole new wardrobe and try not to feel an ounce of guilt.
Some days I love getting down on the floor playing and I’ll happily spend hours playing kitchens or dollies. There are also some days when I can’t think of anything worse , really don’t want to and would rather drink coffee and watch from the sofa. I feel like such a bad Mum for saying no Mummy’s tired or no I’ll play later. But we do need that break or breather sometimes and shouldn’t feel guilt for being human , they will still want to play in and hour or so.
I could write so much more as I feel Mummy guilt for so many reasons but it does have to stop. We are all dong the best we can and always put or little loves first. So STOP Mamma you are amazing and Mummy guilt can do one!