People tell you about the sleepless nights , poos and terrible twos but nobody tells you about a Mother’s growing pains. They don’t tell you when they grow up that little bit more your heart hurts but also bursts with joy at the same time. The ankle biters are now both pre schoolers and the time has passed so rapidly the early days seem like a blur of sleep deprivation , poonamis and being covered in blended sweet potato.
I used to spend hours at night laying on the floor by the side of the bed or cot holding their tiny hands , praying they wold just go to sleep. I would love to do that for one more night , gently removing their tiny fingers grasp from around mine. My hand has now been replaced with pink poodle and Lego man.
Gone are those lazy mornings where you would sit a play blocks or read what seemed like 100 stories. Now there is a big rush to eat breakfast , get uniform on and get out the door for 9am. I miss the little bubble we used to be in when we had no plans and would see where the day would take us. Now I drop him off and feel that empty void and sometimes a little lost as I don’t know how to be just me again. I know that will come back and they are developing no end. But that empty hands feeling hurts my heart.
I remember in the early days it seemed like all I did was change nappies , the ankle biters would do in sync poos and if I wasn’t changing one I would be changing the other. Now they take themselves off to the toilet , remove their own pull up in the morning. My heart bursts with pride how clever they are but I still find myself saying let me do that for you. You want to let go and let them get on with it but you still try to cling to any last remaining bit of baby that is left.
The first few months of pre school drop offs were tears every morning , my baby still needed me and I guess I found some comfort in that. Now he walks in without a backward glance and I have to ask for a kiss. I’m happy as he is now the confident and independent boy we want him to be , this doesn’t stop the sobs rushing through my throat when I get back to the car.
You used to be their entire world now they are starting to see the world for what it is around them and realise that there’s so much more than just Mummy. I get that feeling of them slipping through my fingers a little bit more and it fills me with sadness, anxiety and happiness all at the same time. Sadness because I’m no longer their whole world , happiness because they are experiencing so much more than just Mummy and anxiety because they are now fearless little warriors.
We teach them so much , pack their brains with loads of information and knowledge. We teach them to talk , their first words , their ABC. As they grow up they teach me so much more about myself and instil new traits in to me. They make me a better version of myself.
I go through phases of willing them to grow up that little bit more then find myself crying in to my Costa because they can now put their own shoes and coat on , even if it does take an eternity. Then I remind myself they are well-rounded , developed, intelligent , confident little humans that we that we have created and it’s all worth a Mother’s growing pains.