To the shouty Mum in me I hate it when you rear your ugly head. You try so hard to stay calm and not raise your voice but sometimes when your tired, frustrated or anxious you open your mouth and there it is. You know those days when you are exhausted and holding on by a thread that’s when it creeps up on you.
I mean we all do it at some point don’t we ? Some people say not but I’m not sure I can believe this as we all have our limits and can be pushed and pushed. There is a point where you have just had enough. Personally I don’t think it’s possible to stay 100 percent calm at all times with two little ones. I mean come on we are not all Topsy and Tim’s Mum ! She is Non shouty Mum goals !
The days when you just want to relax after you have battled the supermarket with two excitable toddlers and then braved the cold walk home. You just want a cuppa and to defrost for five minutes. Instead you have demand after demand. So you raise your voice ever so slightly but the look on their face kills you. They only wanted you to do a jigsaw with them. So you leave the cuppa feeling full of guilt and do the jigsaw.
When you are just trying to get some washing done as you are on the last pair of leggins and can’t wait wear them for the third day in a row. They are quiet so you go check on them and they have painted their legs and arms with sudocrem. So you shout “why have you done this” “I will have to bath you now instead of doing important jobs” but they are only 2 and 3 and don’t really know they should be doing that, to them it’s an adventure, something different and you shouldn’t have left it in their easy reach. In the grand scheme of things is it really that bad ? A quick bath will sort it.
In the morning when you are running late for school and screech “get your shoes on” down the hallway. Just remember they have no concept of time it could be 8.40am or 8.40pm to them they haven’t a clue. They don’t know you have an important appointment to get to or even understand what that is. So chill Mamma take a deep breath.
Or when they ask –
“Mummy can I have a snack”
“Yes I’ll get you one in just two minutes”
“I want one now, I’m hungry”
“Two minutes just busy”
You feel it boiling and bubbling and there it is “I SAID TO WAIT DIDN’T I”
They look at you all sad and say but I only wanted an apple. There it hits you right in the stomach- GUILT. So you grab a bag of Apple’s and sit with them on the sofa cuddling them for dear life , because you shouldn’t have shouted. But you just want two minutes to do something and not have to rush around constantly.
To the Mum sobbing on the sofa when they have gone to bed because you have been that shouty Mum again. Big hugs I feel you , this has been me many times.
That’s when it hits you , when you see them sleeping and their tiny toes hanging out of the duvet cover and their rosy, red clammy cheeks.
The Mum guilt is real. But – you are human , you have feelings, you get tired and fed up of being on repeat all day. Tomorrow is another day and you won’t be a shouty Mum , you will be the giggle your head off silly Mum. And you know no matter what you rock and they love the bones of you.