Motherhood has changed my life in so many ways and I’ve never felt as content as I do being a Mum. That feeling like you really don’t need anything else just that 6lb 6oz baby that’s been handed to you , right there that is your world.
In my younger pre-child days I just needed those boots and sure I was getting in to debt for them but they looked good. Or that festival I just had to go to , none of this matters now. It’s Primark flip-flops that have lasted for four summers now and now it’s Disney princess and Ninja turtles that are the main event.
I love watching them grow and develop , when they walk for he first time – we taught them that. When you witness your three-year old daughters sass , yep that’s a bit of me there. When they write their name for the first time – that was a whole afternoon of patience and encouragement. All of these are the best feeling in the world and make me happier than those over priced must boots that crippled me anyway.
Is it so bad to sometimes get those boots out of the cupboard wear them around the bedroom and reminisce of pre-child days – no it’s not. You were you a lot longer than you have been a Mum , you have so many likes and loves but you do lose them along the way , but they are not gone forever.
Your perfectly clean straightened hair is swapped for four day old dry shampoo put up in a Mum bun with a Cinderella bobble , because that was the closest thing to grab. Those hours you used to spend coordinating the outfit , shoes and earnings – these days if you haven’t got day old food or sick on your leggings and you find two earings that kind of look the same you are winning.
Those days of partying and rolling in to bed at 4am with a kebab on the pillow next to you- the good old days. They have now been swapped for rolling in to bed for the 20th time at 4am because the toddler has had you up all night. Then waking up with an arms or leg wedged in your face.
I feel like for the last five years I’ve been in a bubble , I call it the stripy top and leftover fish finger bubble. The days blend in to one as you are in such a planned out/rigid routine that you don’t have time to be you all the time. You just roll with the bubble still wearing the stripy maternity tops and eating your toddlers leftover fish fingers they have thrown on the floor a few times for dinner.
I want to get out of that bubble and have tried a few times now over the last five years to make time for me and burst the bubble. Every time I think I am getting somewhere the exhaustion , mum guilt or anxiety will kick in and I will be back in that bubble happily eating the cold fish fingers.
I need to find me again , Lianne – I know who Mum me is and think I’m pretty good at being her. I need to also be me and find my identity as a person again. It’s so important to get in the mindset that you are a person to and you need to take self-care and look after you – you still exist. If one of the little ones are poorly I march them straight to the doctors , if I am ill it can wait because I’m Mum I have no time to be ill. This is so wrong we need to be happy and well to be Mum.
I will happily buy them 5937 Disney dress up outfits but if I need some new clothes – nope I can wait the stripy tops still have life in them. Again so wrong – your style defines who you are otherwise we would all be walking around looking the same. So treat yourself and feel more like you , gain some of that identity back and burst that bubble.
I will find all the activities , days out and extra curricular for the little ones. But what about me ? What do I like doing ? Day’s out shopping , writing , Theatre , reading and watching too many episodes of love island and TOWIE. So I’m going to do it – because that is me , that’s me stepping out of the bubble to simply be me – Lianne.
Just be you , and have fun finding you again x