I never said I was a perfect mum

This is something I have been seeing a lot of lately so wanted to write about it. I have witnessed and had it said about me “oh she thinks she’s the perfect mum” ” oh look at her constantly posting about what she’s doing with the kids” you know these types of comments. Also people thinking your just posting the “good stuff” for social media and masking the rest.

I do not think any Mum’s should feel guilty of posting and telling their friends and family on social media what they getting up to. Of course you want to celebrate and share what your little one is doing. For example how they are getting on with their ABC’s , their potty training or just to tell everyone how proud you are. Motherhood really isn’t a competition and I for one will never apologise or feel guilty sharing my babies milestones and achievements.

For example I will share days out and adventures we are going on , not because I think I’m perfect or that I have the best Pinterest picnics and activities. I do it because I’m excited to share what we have done that day.  My Nan and Bamps have Facebook and they love to see what we get up to each day. I have family and friends dotted all around the UK and also a large Maltese family. I love to see what they are al up to and vice versa.

I also share days out and what we have been up to for my local friends and followers to tell them how fab somewhere has been and recommend them going.  I go out every day and plan all of these activities to keep the ankle biters busy and quite frankly because if I had to stay in and endure a full day in the house with them I would be certified mentally insane after a day!

I also share the bad stuff too like how my two-year old is going through the terrible two’s which is tuning me grey and making my hair fall out … literally no joke. I tell you all about how some days are just too much and that final tantrum had tipped me over the edge and I’ve burst in to tears walking round town.  About how much fun it is potty training your toddler and stepping in shit that they have just kindly left for you on the rug. So no I definitely am not under any illusion that I am perfect.

I think we are more inclined to mostly share the good stuff with our social media following. I would rather happy celebrations that just negativity. Though it is good to share some of the negative and the bad days as this also helps other Mum’s relate and know that what they are going through is normal. That their two-year old is just being a two-year old and its nothing they have done or just because you have gone to the big M and not cooked this is fine too we all do it. The toddlers got a happy meal so of course they are happy.

Next time you hear someone saying “oh she thinks she’s a perfect mum” or “yeah that’s just for Facebook” Think before you join in or think the same. Of course this one good thing you share on Facebook or Instagram may be just a 10 minute snippet of the day. The rest of the day you may have spent pulling your hair out and riddled with anxiety, which could be all the more reason to share that happy memory that has been made.

So just for the record no I’m not perfect –

My washing basket is always full

my house is far from perfectly spotless I like to call it shabby chic

I give the littles beige food sometimes when I can’t be doing with cooking

I shout sometimes and have my own tantrums

I cry

I give them sweets sometimes so I can chill for five minutes

I hide with chocolate in the kitchen

I run down the stairs some nights singing I’m free and enjoy a wine

 

To the overwhelmed Mumma

To the overwhelmed Mumma ,

I see you exhausted and falling asleep on the sofa with two toddlers sprawled across you , watching the 30th episode of Peppa pig it’s 8.30am but you’ve already been up 3 hours.

Mumma I see you filling up when your toddler has thrown the mother of all tantrums in the supermarket and you can’t take anymore. Everyone is staring , tutting and judging. Hold your head high , you are amazing.

I see you feeling the dreaded mummy guilt because you have given them beige food from the freezer with a side of tinned sweetcorn guilt for lunch and tea that day. I get that you just can’t face thinking of what to cook and chances are it will end up on the floor anyway.

I see you day dreaming of life pre babies when your Friday night decisions consisted of what to drink vodka or gin ? Now they are going to bed when the kids do or staying up and fall asleep five minutes later on the sofa?

I see you mutter the words piss off under your breath when your hubby asks how your day has been. I get that you are jealous that he got a break when he went to work from the terrible two’s and tantrums

I see you saying because “I said so” at the top of your lungs because you have been asked for the 3578 time “why can’t I have chocolate” you can’t take one more question being fired at you.

I see you going up to the bathroom and sitting on the toilet with a hot coffee and snickers and shouting down nothing when you hear “mummy what you eating”

To the Mumma wondering how her toddler could cause so much chaos just in the short three minutes she was having a shower. The window has now been decorated with a  whole tub of Sudocrem and the play room is trashed. But hey you managed to wash your hair , your winning.

For any Mum thinking am I cut out for this? You so are ! All of these are just the signs of the daily mummy struggle and that of an overwhelmed Mumma. Relax have some bubbles and cake because you rock this Mumma.

Love

Another overwhelmed Mumma xx

 

Young mum love – because you deserve it

I’m not a young Mum myself as I had our first Archie when I was 31. My Mum was a young Mum she had me at 19 and also my Nan had my Mum at 18. As a Mum you make so many sacrifices and put things on hold until your little ones grow up. My Mum was training to be a nurse when she fell pregnant with me but gave it up in a heartbeat to have me and be a stay at home Mum.

I’m writing this post as I’m seeing a lot of young Mum’s being stereotyped within the media with people mostly hating on them and using generalisations. I think they definitely deserve some love and respect.

Being a Mum is hard and the challenges we face can leave us feeling anxious and overwhelmed. I get that feeling a lot if I’m having a bad day or week. I second guess myself and question everything I’m doing. Imagine having this feeling but also having other people also second guessing , questioning your Mummy skills and judging you.

I know a lot of young Mum’s doing an amazing job at bringing their little ones up and some at age 18/19 with two tots like me.  They are coping , bringing up amazing little beings and giving them the best start in life. Not out drinking every night , hanging around on street corners and neglecting their babies. This is what the media would have you sometimes believe or how some judgemental people imagine all young Mum’s are.

Being a young Mum does not automatically mean you are less capable than an older Mum. At the end of a day you are a Mum with the same motherly instincts and know the needs of your baby. A lot of young Mum’s I speak to have mentioned how they feel criticized for their decisions by family members and also complete strangers. This really does need to stop your baby your way no matter how old you are.

I think about what I would have had to give up at 18 to have a baby. University , nights out , festivals and my dream of being a teacher. I just don’t think I could have done that, on top of all the new things you have to learn and do as a parent. I would have been totally overwhelmed and completely crapping it. I could barely remember what time my lectures were and when my essays had to be handed in. I can’t imagine having to remember when my babies next feed was due , making decisions about where to send my toddler to nursery or managing my money for myself and a child.

I think back to my Mum being pregnant at 18 with me in the 60’s and fear of telling her parents , facing all the gossip over the fact she wasn’t married to my Dad , giving up her career and also not having a home of her own. My Mum with the support of my Dad faced all of these obstacles and created a family home for me and then my sister. She has done an amazing job as we have both turned out fab.  We are proof that being a young Mum isn’t always as the media would have you believe. I will always be eternally grateful for this.

To all the young Mum’s reading this I salute you and totally think you are rocking motherhood.